I'm lost

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Haruya - 4 janv. 2022 à 21:27
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jeudi 12 avril 2012
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- 4 janv. 2022 à 21:32
Hey so sorry for not using french ..
So let me introduce myself , I'm 15 and i recently past to a new school .
I know you guys probably think that this is a teen story again but this do really is difficult for me ...
Last year for being honest i had anorexia then bulemia and since I changed ..
For telling the all truth , I'm a liar and i hate that always lying for some useless reasons and to everyone ...
I'm also very selfish , sometimes i made up scenarios in my head were a member of my family past out and that finally i could get compassion from other ... I hate myself for even thinking about that
So recently like i Change of school I've made up some new Friends and even realized that i loved girls and not man's !
I had a crush who didn't like me back and yk what's funny the day i admit to her that i love her i was kinda drunk buy still concerned of what I was saying and once again i lied pretending i was too drunk to control my emotions and that i didn't want her to know but it was a lie i know what i was doing...
Then this girl came out I won't say her name but she is someone very sad because of her family and she don't deserve that ... That's not fair ....
So she told me she had a crush on me at the beginning of September but that now not anymore and i didn't believed her ... Actually the only thing i like about myself is that i actually care about people a lot and that's Why I didn't believed her cause i was carrying on her .
And this happen
At the new year party , i drunk too much cause i found myself funnier and i kissed several person for the first time pretending again that without alcohol i won't be doing that again a lie...
And then i got sick and the one who stay with me in the toilet was her
When everyone was celebrating the new year and that's half true again due to alcohol i made up with her and i felt nice ...
Buy the next morning i felt disgusted and really bad ....
I kept thinking about that night since days cause her and i didn't actually talk about that
The thing is that my feelings aren't for her ... I feel so bad even when I just look at a picture of her like if she was disgusting me but the truth is that I'm the one who's disgusting ....
I wish I could change who i am ... I'm tired of lying or hurting people ... I wish I could be honest like that with my friends and family but i have to keep up having this funny mask on my face so I'm pretending this situation is funny and i think i hurt her even more ...
Thank you if you read that much , you can judge me go ahead I'm sorry not to be a good person i really am .. and i want to find myself again , to be good at something for once ..

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4 janv. 2022 à 21:32
Hello

Please write on the Health Forum:
https://sante-medecine.journaldesfemmes.fr/forum/

;)

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